Funny Poems

2. Mar, 2016

A list of funny poems :

What A life


Old Billy and Skip


Blind Date

2. Mar, 2016

Off the shelf into the trolley
Pushed between the carrots and cauli
On the belt and codes to swipe
Next to bananas all over ripe

Push in the bag , throw in the boot
Next to the veg and all the fruit
Thrown in the ice box , squashed to hell
How long in here , no one can tell

Pull for the depths and chopped for the pot
Tossed in the pan , water all hot
Boiled to depth , drained and dressed
Put on a plate with all the rest

Sliced yet again and shoved in a mouth
Crashed by the teeth then swallowed down south
Attacked by bacteria, acid as well
Grounded to a pulp, then a journey from hell

Hours go by as I wind round the pipe
Rumbling noises as I give him the gripe
Forced through a gap, nearly airtight
Ending my life as a stick of brown shite !!

Copyright © Graeme Taylor 2013

2. Mar, 2016

I staggered down the road looking for skirt
I’ve had my drink now time for dessert
Bouncing off walls, falling about
Eyes going funny about to conk out

I get to the door and fall flat on my face
Staggering around all over the place
The velvet seats and the strange décor
I sat myself down waiting for whore

The man at the desk said “what do you want?”
I looked at him trying to be nonchalant
My eyes were rolling, I couldn’t sit still
My body was moving of its own freewill

“I want a woman get them on display”
“ But sir, you’re in the Bengal Indian Takeaway.”

Copyright © Graeme Taylor 2013

2. Mar, 2016

Old Billy and Skip his buddy mate
Being apart is something they hate
They walk everywhere, together they went
In the relationship they were very content

They would go to the woods , walking for miles
Sitting for a while on the cutters woodpiles
Then they’d go to the local for a refreshing drink
Where his little terrier would have his warm milk

Then came the day that changed their routine
There was a sign on the pub door they had never seen
‘No dogs allowed’ were the words on the board
So they couldn’t go into the pub they adored

With sadness and gloom they carried on past
The drink in there yesterday, that was their last
Bobby was out walking , taking the air
When he found out Bills plight he was in despair

“I know” he said “pretend your are blind”
And entrance to the pub will not be declined
With a smile on his face Bill lengthened his stride
Went to the pub and explained this dog was his guide

“Don’t give me that” said the man at the bar door
They are usually big dogs liked a Golden Labrador.”
Bill stood amazed, as he pretended not to see
“Well what bloody dog have they given me?”

Copyright © Graeme Taylor 2013

2. Mar, 2016

“Now class the lesson today, is word relate
Give me a sentence which includes fascinate “
Mary held her hand up , and duly stated
“I read a book on Brazil and I was fascinated “

the teacher said no and repeated to state
“Give me a sentence which includes fascinate”
Alice was there she had a high class rating
“I study the stars and they are fascinating”

the teacher said no and repeated to state
“Give me a sentence which includes fascinate”
hands on her head , Tommy just couldn’t wait
she stood in the classroom awaiting her fate

“My Aunt has a cardy with ten button holes , and she’s irate !
Cos her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight”

Copyright © Graeme Taylor 2013