more funny poems

7. Feb, 2017

He was just a lad, green as can be
For the first time a woman’s body to see
His dreams are vivid and often wet
Waking up in a sweat.

His daydreams lead to encounters he sort
A young woman to find and to court
All his mates bragged of conquests won
The biggest liars under the Sun

He sat in the class ogling the girl
His head was spinning, in a twirl
At night his thoughts were for her alone
He wanted to ring her on the phone

Every day that passed his urges grew more
He liked her more the more he saw
He wondered a lot of how it would be
Her all naked for him to see

Education for sex had not begun
And he wondered how it might be done
All the talk at school confused him so
Of where his tool needed to go

Every orifice was mentioned, it’s hard to tell
Stories of how girls became pregnant as well
Telling stories about him going blind
And how it all could affect the mind

As he walked behind admiring her back
He runs to catch as she dropped her Mac
“Can I walk you home and go out with you”
“Ok “she said without much ado
The first night he dropped her at her door
His starry eyes at what he saw
He wanted to kiss her, but his nerves came through
He felt so awkward, what to do

The following night babysitting for mum
She called him up for him to come
He rushed around excited and flush
His legs all wobbly turned to mush

As he knocked on the door, and nervously wait
She opened the door to this sorry state
Led into the lounge he was offered a seat
Sitting so close their legs to meet.

He sat for a while, his arm edged round her
He could feel the bulge as it began to stir
He dived in feet first to force a kiss
She pushed him away, a total dismiss

Embarrassed and hurt he sat in the seat
Until she moved towards him their lips to meet
The more they kissed the urges grew
His hands fumbling without a clue

She helps him out placing his hands on her chest
Trying to undo buttons trying his best
She led him to the bedroom and laid on the bed
She undid her bra, nothing was said

She lay back on the bed as he undid his zip
Getting more excited his hand on her hip
They laid there half naked, with him standing proud
It was going to happen, he was being allowed

He moved ever closer, with his piece of mutton
A climax was reached into her bellybutton

7. Feb, 2017
7. Feb, 2017

I was invited back the first time there
The new girlfriend’s house was nice to be fair
I need the toilet desperate to go
Her mam already using it, a bit of a blow
‘Quick’ said my girl, ‘Use the kitchen sink’
‘You shouldn’t have had so much to Drink’
With a puzzled look, I closed the Door
And made by way across the floor
I done my bit after moving the dish bowl
I peeped around the door,’ Have you got some bog roll?’

11. Oct, 2016
11. Oct, 2016

Those open back buses, such a joy
Chasing down the street when I was a Boy
The Clippies waving as you started to flag
Holding on to their Leather cash bag
Adjusting the dial, turning the lever
They were up and down like a busy beaver
A smile on their face as you handed the fare
Another smile as the ticket he’d tear
The little red button , the silver disc
Jumping off without paying , taking a risk
The driver wouldn’t go until he heard the bell ring
Last minute leap, using the pole as a swing
The moving bus , up the spiral stairs
Getting flung around just to get upstairs
The ding ding of the Bell, the next stop for me
Running down the stair banging my knee
Jumping off before the buses stops
The conductor threatening to get the cops
Those open backed buses, such a joy
Chasing down the street when I was a Boy

The Godfather of Clippies my my Uncle Fred
He’d wave to us his arms outspread
We’d run and chase, and without any fuss
He’d throw out pennies from the back of the bus